I'm getting old fast

So I found a lump about 2 weeks ago. A pretty substantially sized lump and it kinda freaked me out. I've only recently started doing self exams in the last couple of years, and I'll admit I'm not as vigilant as I should be.

For the last 6 months one breast has been really tender to where I can't even sleep on one side at night. I've always heard cancer doesn't hurt, so I wasn't too concerned about it being the big C. But I have to admit, when I found that lump I was so sick to my stomach that I almost couldn't stand in the shower to finish up why I was really there.

I finally got my hair washed and cleaned and stood up enough to turn off the water and dry off. My stomach was in a lurch and my hands were a little shaky. About an hour later, I snapped out of it. I knew I was going to be okay. After all it was just a little lump. I prayed over it and started the day with determination, not worrying about anything I couldn't control. After handing it to God, I knew it was in great hands and whatever was the outcome I'd be taken care of.

The next day God practically told me that it wasn't cancer. I was playing with my son, and it was as if he literally told me, 'You have a son to raise and that's your job here. You're not going anywhere.'

A week & half later I finally got to my OBGYN for an exam who went through the standard exam. You have to know I'm squeemish being in his office anyways...let alone a breast exam. I'm ticklish. He confirmed my lump...'Yes, I feel that one. Let's try the other one.'

I breathe in and brace myself for round two.

'Oh yes, and I feel multiple ones over in this one.'

What? WT? I wasn't expecting that one. Again a little shaken - but this time it passed in minutes.
He wrote my work order for the breast center, and checked the appropriate boxes and sent me on my way with - 'well hopefully I won't be seeing you again for a year. Once I get their report I'll let you know.'

OK - thanks for that doc. I appreciate the reassurance.

Then once I was almost passed the doctor's hallway and out to the exit the nurse gave me puppy dog eyes and said, "Honey are you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, I'm not scared." --- Why? I thought. Should I be????

My next appointment was for four days out. To make a long story short, I had to wait a looong time to get a diagnosis. Again I had reassurance it wouldn't be cancer as it was tender, and I was riddled with cysts. That's not typically cancer. BUT to finally have a diagnosis was like a huge breathe of fresh air...just very cleansing.

I suffer from fibrocystic tumors. My breasts weren't even readable with a mammogram. The tissue was so dense, you couldn't see through them. With an ultrasound, they confirmed that I'm riddled with cysts through both breasts and throughout the chest wall.

A bunch of pea sized bumps that will be there for ever that are very tender, causing me issues through most of the month. If they become bigger, they'll need to be lanced or drained with a needle.

So the moral of the story?

Stay away from caffiene -- which I never intake anyway. I drink water, juice or white 2% milk at all times. I do chocolate once a month for a few days. I'm not on caffiene with any products either, like energy drinks or back pills.

So for me, I just continue dealing with the pain as it's very manageable all but one week of the month & pray I don't get any enlarged cysts as I HATE NEEDLES!!!

Oh, and I wonder if I can get a doctor's note to ask for a 'hands off' period for my husband? Hmmmmm........

I think I'm getting old!

my little salesman

This is the first year we're taking the leap and joining cub scouts. We're enjoying the culture and activities so much. Right now it's all about selling popcorn, to earn money for our troop.

My little guy has always been a great salesman and negotiator. What kid isn't?

But after years of listening to me on the phone with clients, I guess it's really soaked in.

Two nights ago, he grabbed my cells and scrolled through my contacts list. He started by dialing the obvious: nanas and papas, and immediate family. He could have just said, "Hey wanna buy something from me," and they would have forked over a few dollars. But he goes all the way with anything he does. His spiel was unbelievable. He even had the features and benefits of the product down pat. And instead of trying to sell the little items, he went for the $50 tins every time with the assumptive close.

After our family had run it's course, he started scrolling through my phone to find any name he knew. The most memorable conversation went something like this:

my son: "Hey, um I'm trying to raise money for my pack for cub scouts and I'm doing that by selling popcorn. I'd really like to tell you about it."

my sweet friend: "ok!"

(from here he went into product knowledge and investment levels)

friend: "Well, my husband is out of town and I really need to discuss this with him and call you back when we figure it out."

my son: "Well hey! I know you could 3 way call him and I like 3 way calling! Call him now and I'll tell him all about it!"


My jaw almost hit the floor, in listening to him wheel and deal. What was more amazing is that she agreed and the next thing I knew he was selling her husband on three way calling. HA!

Within an hour, my little 6 year old sold 200 dollars of popcorn. Not bad for a night's work!

I'm such a blessed mommy!

Kanye Shmanye

Twitter was all abuz last night with the Kanye Controversy. It was the fastest I've seen people respond to something in a while. And why not? I mean, come on how much does one person get to mouth off before facing some back lash?

I'm really shocked that MTV didn't cart his butt out of there instantly and treat him like any other protester. If 'joe average' had popped up to take someone's mich and start spurting hurtful words, he would have been tackled and taken into a nice holding cell. Better yet, he wouldn't have even made it up on stage. Why can't the same security, put in place for a reason, take out someone - anyone - with mal content?

It's reported that Kayne spoke with Taylor's mother after the show and somewhat made amends. It's not said that he 'apologized' as far as I've read anywhere online.

I. just. don't. get it!


My 7th grade teacher taught me many things, but one thing has stuck with me through my entire life. It is this:

'Your rights END at the end of your own nose'

Need translation?

It means that Kanye has a right to be a jackass as long as he's only affecting himself with his behavior. When he starts to let his idiot behavior effect and ripple into other lives, then his rights are no longer.

Although I'm not a huge Taylor Swift fan, I'm a huge supporter after last night's escapade. As a 19 year old, I can't imagine how I would have handled an irate belligerent dude stealing that moment from me.

Why does anyone even buy this guys work? I say everyone should boycott him for his obviously ignorant behavior. It's people like him, who make Americans look bad.

My DH

After 9 years of marriage, one wonders where time goes and how fast it will fly into the future. You also wonder if there will be any other dimension added to your relationship with your spouse.

At this stage, most women I know either really complain about their other half - as they're not in a happy marriage. Or they still have that glow about them when they talk about their DH.

I would have to say that we're not your typical couple and that's a good thing in many ways. Our schedules keep us coming and going so much that we don't get a lot of quality time together, but we still strive for couple time whereas most just don't care anymore.

For me, I don't want to get lazy in my relationship. I want to make sure my husband knows how much I appreciate him and love him, by telling him everyday how much I love him. BUT I don't think that's enough. It's easy to say those words to pacify one's partner. The hard part is to put forth effort to demonstrate how much the relationship means to you.

I think monthly date nights are a must! Especially after bringing kids into the equation, because we all know that once we become parents - it's all about our child's needs. Maintaining that one on one connection with our spouse is so vital, and I'm guilty of not making that a priority as much as I should.

Striving for couple time is good, but actually making it happen is another. So on our 9 year anniversary, we made a pact to make it out at least once a month for a dinner date. We really tried in August to make our monthly date night, but didn't succeed.

So tonight, we're out on the town - dinner and movie for momma! I'm a happy girl. Not only because I'm out with the man I love but because he's dating me again.

hard drive blues

I'm on my husband's laptop at the moment, envious of of the portability and ease that it offers. Well envious period...

My hard drive crashed a few days ago leaving me without any access to any of my writing or photos. Thank the Lord my husband was wise enough to buy me an external hard-drive about a month ago, so I backed up my sequel, screenplay, and all my important photography shoots.

My computer dude called Saturday to say he's working on my computer, and the hard drive may be partially retrieved ... fully retrieved ... or not. at. all. Sigh.

So as of now, I'm praying that it's fully retrieved as I've got my photoshop, final draft software, and current photoshoot, that I shot last Monday (which didn't get backed up yet).

I'd rather not re-shoot anything, as it's a hassle for the family that's already paid me a sitting fee and taken their time to meet me at the park. I'd rather not refund their sitting fee as a courtesy because of a computer. Although I'M HAPPY to if I need to, as it's the right thing to do. If someone has to meet me again for a reshoot, I'm going to refund them their money. BUT - I'd be so thankful if those pictures are still there. (crossing my fingers)

I'd also rather not reload my final draft software...or spend more money to purchase photoshop. I don't have the original CD to reload it, as we got it through a previous job & have no access to it now.

So thank you for listening to my vent session. I'll be up and running soon hopefully. I just shot a wedding this past Friday and am ready to download those pics for the happy couple.

Come on computer dude! Call me with good news!!!

10 days

This summer has flown by. I can't believe my little baby will be in first grade in 10 more days. It's so hard to believe he's growing up and then in other ways, I'm blown away that he's only 6.

Today when I took him to register for soccer, he also wanted to register for flag football. I asked my friend, who was in charge of the sports camps what each cost and she told us that for soccer it would be $50 but for flag football it would be $65. I instantly knew that was more than we really could afford or should spend.

I tried to make a game out of it for my son and said, "You do the math - what's 50 + 65?"

I was just being flippant.
I never dreamed he'd be able to answer.

You could see his wheels turning, and his mind calculating.

He turned to me and said, "Um, 115 dollars?"

Both my friend and I look at each other astounded.

Yes, that's my son. A funny social silly kid, with a major brain.

I told him we couldn't afford to do both - and he said he would choose soccer because 'it was more fun and less expensive.'

Um - okay 1st grade teacher - you've got 10 days to prepare for this kid! Good luck!!

A small but worthy review

You know in a tough economy it's hard to sell anything that's not needed. To me the one thing needed is a good story to take you away from any stress you may have currently in your own life! BUT I'm not normal...and that's clear. And not everyone is a reader.

At this point I'm still waiting to know how many have sold, but I know it's making somewhat of a ripple...as I get so many emails from random people, who I have no ties to - that have bought the book and felt led to email me to comment.

BUT days like these are well worth the wait when I get a wonderful comment from a random stranger sent to me via facebook or email:

Pj Blevins- I just finished your book and it is spectacular. I love books that make me cry! I can so emphasize with Chastity in losing her Mother as I lost mine a year ago. Can't wait to see what happens to her in your next book. Hope it comes out soon.

Thank you miss PJ - whoever you are...where ever you are. You and those like you, who take this book to heart, is why I wrote this book. It doesn't matter how much I make (okay yes it does - a little) - as long as my work makes an impact by touching people's hearts.